A guide to removing blocks to access your inner child

Connecting with our vulnerable, hurt parts can feel daunting for a number of reasons. Maybe they have never been fully seen before or maybe we’re scared of what we’ll find. Maybe we’re just tired and the thought of parenting someone else is overwhelming. This can be the most difficult but most important task you undertake and only you can do it. Below are some exercises to support you on this journey.

See yourself clearly

View your inner child through the lens of your adult, whole, healed self. Were you really so bad? Or were you reacting to your environment. In what ways could the narrative have been skewed by others? What labels were you given by others that you know now are not true?

Exercise: Write a narrative from your childhood selfs point of view.

As an example: Brian was a shy child who had many fears about the world. He was often alone and his parents were embarrassed by Brian’s shyness so they pushed him into doing things to “get him out of his shell”. This often caused Brian to become more fearful. What Brian really needed was someone to share his fears with and to emotionally support him through doing hard things. It was always okay that Brian was shy but it wasn’t okay that he was emotionally neglected. When Brian got older, he retreated into smoking weed as a way to cope with his anxiety and embarrassment over not being more extroverted. His brother called him a ‘weirdo’ and a ‘druggie’ and although his parents never explicitly stated that he was a disappointment to them but he noticed how differently they treated his brother. Shame kept Brian isolated until as an adult he started working at a local farm with a man who had a son who was shy. Brian saw how the child’s parents treated their son and realized there was something wrong with the way he was treated and made an appointment to see a therapist. He was able to begin to see his younger self not as a weirdo or a loner but a vulnerable sensitive child who was neglected. Although this was difficult for Brian to process he was able to gain empathy for his younger self and the choices they made knowing it was not because he was inherently flawed but because he was trying to survive in a difficult environment. He started to learn ways to support those vulnerable parts of himself.

Communicate gently

Start to speak to that part of yourself differently.

Often times we learn to speak to ourselves internally the way we were spoken to as children. Did someone tell you that you were “difficult”, “a pain”, “judgmental” ect. ?

Exercise: Find a photo of your younger self and put it in a spot you see often like a vanity mirror. Every day, say something true and kind to it. Know that when we have harsh judgments of ourselves it is often these younger parts that hear those words and feel the impact.

Let yourself be a kid again

What was something your younger self was drawn to? Was it drawing, singing, playing in the rain?

Exercise: Set aside time to let your inner child ‘play’. Know that intense feeling may come up and that’s okay, start slowly.

Reconnect

Sometimes our needs as a developing child were neglected to the point where we don’t know what we need now.

Exercise: Do a guided meditation to connect to this part of yourself and ask them what they need from you now.

It can be helpful to imagine them in a childhood room and you adult self showing up to be with them. This is best done with the support of a therapist as memories and emotions can emerge from that time.

Remember, this part of you deserves nurturance, patience, care and dedication and you already have everything you’ll need inside of you to take good care of them.