Codependency in Action
- Samantha Torres, LPC
- Jan 1
- 2 min read
—what matters is the overall pattern and how much it affects functioning, boundaries, and emotional safety.
How Codependency is Different From Healthy Care
Healthy caring:
Includes mutuality
Has boundaries
Allows both people to have needs
Doesn’t require self-abandonment
Codependency:
Is one-sided
Relies on fixing, rescuing, or managing
Requires shrinking yourself
Often involves guilt, fear, or obligation
Gentle Self-Check Questions
❤️
About You
Do I put myself last so often that I don’t remember what I want anymore?
When was the last time I did something just because I wanted to?
Do I feel guilty when I rest?
Do I feel like I’m “too much” if I have needs?
🚧
Boundaries (in simple terms)
Do I say “yes” when I really want to say “no”?
Do I feel bad or scared when I set limits?
Do I accept behavior that hurts me because I don’t want to lose someone?
Do I worry someone will leave if I stop over-giving?
🧠
Emotions
Do I feel responsible for keeping everyone okay?
Do I calm down only after the other person calms down?
Do I blame myself when someone is upset, even if it wasn’t my fault?
Do I feel anxious if someone is unhappy with me?
🤝
Relationships
Do I often feel unseen, unappreciated, or taken for granted?
Do I stay longer than I should in situations that hurt?
Do I fall into “caretaker” or “fixer” mode without thinking?
Do I feel needed more than I feel loved?
🪞
Self-Worth
Do I feel valuable mainly when I’m helping someone?
Do I think I have to earn love?
Do I feel like I don’t matter as much as others?
🧍♀️
Body + Gut Feelings
Do I feel tense or tired around certain people?
Does peace feel strange… and drama feel familiar?
Do I ignore my gut to keep the peace?
🌱
Healing Direction
What would change if I believed my needs matter just as much?
What would “caring without losing myself” look like?
What small act of self-respect could I try?
*OpenEvidence AI support used in this post
