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Holiday Survival Guide



If you’ve lost friends, partners or family members, whether through death, emotional disconnection, estrangement, or abandonment November-December can feel like a spotlight on that absence.


CPTSD complicates grief because:


  • Trauma can freeze memories in time

  • The body remembers anniversaries, smells, and songs

  • People may grieve not just who they lost, but who they never had



It’s common to experience:


  • Sudden sadness

  • Irritability

  • Emotional fog

  • Waves of longing mixed with resentment

  • Anger at unmet needs that will never be repaired



This is grief, trauma, and attachment loss all intersecting.



3. Sensory and Emotional Triggers Are Everywhere



The holidays are filled with sensory reminders of the past, food, music, traditions, cold weather, the layout of childhood homes. These can activate emotional flashbacks, a core symptom of CPTSD.


Emotional flashbacks may show up as:


  • Feeling suddenly small, helpless, or trapped

  • Shame that comes out of nowhere

  • A strong urge to withdraw or shut down

  • Anxiety without a clear cause

  • People-pleasing impulses

  • A sense of “not belonging”



Unlike classic PTSD flashbacks, emotional flashbacks are not visual; they are body-level states that transport someone to an old emotional reality.



4. Pressure to “Perform” Emotionally



Many people with CPTSD grew up in environments where they had to:


  • Stay hyperattuned to others’ moods

  • Manage conflict silently

  • Contain their own needs

  • Play the role of the “strong one” or “peacekeeper”



During the holidays, similar dynamics can appear in adult relationships. Social gatherings may activate old patterns:


  • Over-functioning or over-preparing

  • Minimizing discomfort to avoid conflict

  • Feeling responsible for everyone’s feelings

  • Shame for not “feeling festive enough”



Even if you’re spending the holidays away from family, the internalized roles may still be present.


5. Loneliness vs. Relief: Two Truths at Once


CPTSD often creates duality:

You can feel relief being away from unhealthy family systems AND still feel lonely.

You can miss the idea of family AND want nothing to do with the real one.

You can feel joy in new traditions AND grief for what never was.


Holding these contradictions is part of trauma healing.



6. Hypervigilance & Body-Based Responses



Even “safe” environments can feel dangerous to a nervous system shaped by early trauma. During the holidays, CPTSD symptoms might intensify:


  • Difficulty relaxing

  • Feeling “on edge” during gatherings

  • Overthinking conversations afterward

  • Sleep disruptions

  • Somatic symptoms like stomach issues, headaches, muscle tightness

  • Escalation of fawn, fight, flight, or freeze responses



Your body may be preparing for danger even if none exists now.


7. The Myth of the “Happy Holiday”



Holiday imagery often reinforces the idea that everyone is surrounded by loving, functional families. When your experience looks different, it can trigger:


  • Comparison

  • Shame

  • Feeling defective

  • Self-blame

  • Reopened wounds about childhood

  • Anger at the unfairness of it all



It’s important to remember: the cultural narrative is a fantasy, not a universal truth.



How to Navigate the Holidays with CPTSD



Here are a few grounding approaches that many trauma survivors find helpful:


1. Validate your experience



Your mixed emotions make sense. Your body is responding to history, not failure.


2. Give yourself permission to do the holidays differently


You are allowed to create traditions that feel safe and skip ones that don’t.


3. Use boundaries proactively



Decide ahead of time what (and who) is safe for you. Prepare exit plans if needed.


4. Prioritize nervous system regulation


  • Slow breathing

  • Walks

  • Weighted blankets

  • Sensory breaks

  • Grounding exercises




  1. Seek emotional connection outside of family



Friends, partners, community, therapists, or chosen family count.



  1. Allow the day to be neutral



It doesn’t have to be magical. It also doesn’t have to be painful. It can simply be a day.



A Final Thought


If you experience CPTSD, you’re not failing the season. The season is stirring a nervous system that has been through too much. Your reactions are not the problem; they are communication from your history, inviting you to treat yourself with gentleness and truth.


Healing often means letting yourself have the holiday experience that is real for you, not the one the world pressures you to display.


*OpenEvidence was used to organize the above content


Ideas for New Holiday Traditions

  1. Send cards of gratitude to the individuals in your life who have brought you joy this year

  2. Look for volunteer opportunities in your town- animal shelters, organizations that provide holiday meals or gifts etc.

  3. Blankets! The Children's Hospital in Colorado always needs blanket donations this time of year- no sewing skills needed. You can get discounted fleece from Goodwill stores- just be sure to wash before you use : ) https://www.childrenscolorado.org/globalassets/community/donate-volunteer/blanket-making-instructions_childrens-colorado.pdf?v=4ad6b3

  4. Create new traditions that feel personal and unique to you.


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